Yes I haven’t written at all. I have exams and projects its all crazy. But I love having a place where I can write my feelings and problems down and have second opinions on things. Thanks for reading
*Sigh* I’ve been thinking maybe I do think he’s cute, but I also find Frap cute. Is Frap just an attractive guy or do I like him? Do you have to know the guy, know his personality to like him? Is it possible to have feelings for a guy you don’t know? This other guy, he’s in one of my class and he’s so funny, cute, nice. This guy, I know him, I’ve talked to him. The thing is, how do you know if you like a guy or you just find him a attractive. When we were younger when you thought a boy was cute, everyone one of your friends says you have a crush. But now I feel like there’s two opinions: One is you like him the other you just find him cute. But if you know him and you still find him cute, you find his personality cute to so you like him, so have a crush on him. That’s the thing I can’t seem to admit to myself. Even while writing this I can’t admit it, because I over think and I create problems in my head that I get extremely worked up about it.
Even if I figure out, what am I going to do afterwards. Will I feel satisfied? Maybe. Will I feel resolved? Possibly. Will I stop thinking about it? No. I can’t answer these questions with a yes, and it’s driving me nuts. I feel like the only way to finally know how I feel is to talk to them, talk to Frap see what he’s like and talk to Chips see what he’s really like. Having feelings and having them locked inside of you sucks. Having your heart tell you one thing and your brain telling you something else sucks.
I think the reason why I can’t seem to admit that I may like Chips, is because I don’t want to. I don’t want to like a guy that lives in a world that I don’t belong in. I’m such an outsider that I even understand what goes on around in my school, that old news is new news to me. He’s an insider and Frap is one too. Me, I will never be one.
But I just wish that sooner or later, something will happen and I know which guy I truly like and end up being friends with him, like really friends with him. Talk about stuff like normal friends. I need a sign.